Last couple years have been full of stress and heartbreak. First Wayne and I split, breaking my heart in a million pieces. Then RD's accident, which really put an end to our marriage, I get hurt at work, then fired, my nervous break down, then the knee replacement surgery.

It's been trying with relationships. I never know if I'm coming or going out of the lifestyle. My heart has wanted and needed D/s forever, but life just doesn't seem to agree to that. It's like some force is saying that I'm not meant to have that in my life. Right now I would settle to be with my best friend as my life mate.

Someone I can talk to , relax with, depend on, lean on, share all of my life with, my hopes, dreams, thoughts, fears, all of me. Someone to hold me while we watch movies, help cook, clean, pay bills, joke with, laugh with, cry with, go places, experience new things, teach me things, share the same interests. I just want a partner in life, not someone I have to beg to help, yell at, or treat like a child. Someone who wants to make me happy, not someone I have to force to.

This year is a  year of decisions on what is going to happen with the rest of my life, and who I am going to share my life with.

More to come....